Divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences that a person can go through, but it doesn’t have to be acrimonious. In this article, we’ll share 10 ways to avoid conflict during a divorce.
Divorce affects a huge number of UK couples every year and it is rarely a positive experience. Despite new laws such as the ‘no fault’ divorce making divorcing smoother, it’s still difficult to avoid conflict all together.
In the film The War Of The Roses, a divorce between Oliver and Barbara Rose quickly escalates into sniping, backstabbing and, ultimately, violence. In reality, it doesn’t take much for similar stories to occur.
Family lawyers say that avoiding conflict during a divorce can make the entire process faster and easier for everyone involved, but this is far easier said than done. So, what are the ways to avoid conflict as much as possible during divorce? Keep reading to find out…
It may not be the most romantic thing to think about when you’re planning a wedding but, a prenuptial agreement or ‘prenup’ can save a lot of hassle and heartache should the marriage, sadly, end in divorce.
A prenup is a document which is drawn up prior to a marriage and lays out who gets what, and under what conditions, should the marriage break down. Having this contract will not only save you hassle, but it’ll also save money on solicitor’s fees.
If you haven’t got a prenup (and many don’t) then hiring a mediator may help you to hash out the details when it comes to the distribution of assets and belongings. This is essentially a third party who is experienced in conflict resolution and who can help you to reach the finish line with as little unpleasantness as possible.
When going through a divorce, the sticking point for many couples arrives because neither spouse is prepared to give an inch.
This unfortunately means that things will often reach a stalemate, making the process drag on which benefits neither party. Instead, have a think about the things that you may be willing to compromise on – as well as the things you won’t.
While listening to your soon-to-be-ex spouse may be the last thing you feel like doing, this may be a good way of speeding up what is usually a painful process. Try to keep lines of communication open and try to listen to the other person’s point of view where possible.
The reality of divorce is that you may not always like what your solicitor has to tell you; particularly if they advise you to give in on a certain aspect of your divorce. You need to bear in mind the fact that your solicitor has been through this many times before, and has your best interests at heart.
When a relationship breaks down, it’s easy to place the blame firmly on the other person, however, things are rarely that simple. Try to be honest without yourself regarding your part in the breakdown instead of simply playing the blame game.
When trying to score points against a partner, too many people use child custody as a weapon. Not only could this go against you in court, but it inevitably harms children at a time when they are already extremely vulnerable.
While hashing out the details of your divorce, try to come up with a reasonable plan regarding your child visitation to make things easier on everybody involved.
During a divorce, it’s easy to let your emotions get the better of you – particularly if there has been infidelity involved. In instances like this, sadness and anger are perfectly normal, but they can get in the way of rational thinking.
Before taking any action or making any demands, have a vent about your emotions with a friend or family member or even a therapist. Getting all of this off your chest will help you to approach the practical parts of your divorce with a cooler head and make the process less traumatic.
Relationships often involve complex networks of friends which are often shared by a couple. It’s absolutely natural to want to keep your friends close during a divorce. However, you should avoid pressuring friends to take sides as this will often make them feel resentful and, ultimately, drive them away.
Often, a couple will launch into divorce proceedings while emotions are running high, it’s easy to get bogged down on what has been and the failings involved. Try to focus on the future and look forward to the new possibilities divorce can bring, to ease tension and stress on both parties.
Ending a marriage can be incredibly stressful, particularly if there are children involved. Add into the mix shared finances and belongings and things can quickly escalate into aggression.
While it may be easier said than done, try to remember that you were with this person for a reason and that your feelings may be amplified during this time. Where possible, try to take a step back in order to examine your feelings and thoughts to leave you better able to make rational decisions.
Conflict during a divorce rarely benefits anybody other than solicitors and can mean that the entire painful process is dragged out much longer than is necessary. For this reason, it’s best to let your solicitor do the talking for you in order tokeep things civil and get things over with quickly so that you can both get on with your lives.